Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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