i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
