i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Randomize
