That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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