so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
