i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize