I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
bring money and cleavage
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
