I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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