ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
