Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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