you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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