a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My breasts were aching with rage.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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