Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
