my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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