i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
