I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
