So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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