and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
