the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
