Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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