we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize