I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
