The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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