i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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