I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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