im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
