bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
