Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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