just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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