After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
