i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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