my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
