we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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