For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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