white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
