the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
