So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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