I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
