I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
