Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
