birth control should be required to get into college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize