honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
