Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
