I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
