Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
