I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
