Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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