i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
