Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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