Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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