her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
