R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
