Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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