i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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