I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
