pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
