Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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