I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
