she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
