It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
