This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
