I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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