Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My life is pants optional.
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