I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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