I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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