Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
