At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
