I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize