I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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