Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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