I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
